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(no subject)

Nov. 28th, 2006 | 07:54 pm
mood: lovedloved
music: true love waits - radiohead

somewhere I have never traveled, gladly beyond

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me,i and
my life will shut very beautifully,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

- e.e. cummings

this made me cry today.

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(no subject)

Nov. 27th, 2006 | 09:38 pm
music: crosses - José González

i feel like i have nothing to say.

every idea i formulate comes from someone else, and even if other people aren't really aware of it, or don't care at all, because they realize that all opinions involve the synthesis of what others tell us, i'm always blatantly aware of it. people praise my intelligence...but really all i can do is read a page and retain what it says. that and make logical connections. apparently i've changed some people's lives...but mostly what i feel for them is contempt, because i don't see in myself what they seem to see in me.
saying anything of 'value' always seems cheap. i feel like i've been avoiding it all costs. except when i talk to diana, because then i know at least that what i'm saying comes from me. except even then, not necessarily.

i'm sick of being the sum of everyone else's parts. i sense so much sincerity in so many people and in some of the music i've been listening to... (jose gonzalez... for one) and i just can't seem to muster up any of my own.

i guess i'd rather just be silly than feel falsely deep.


for when i'm looking back at this: for fear of thinking yourself angsty, please remember, that this is the turning point in your life and you're (genuinely) happier now than you've ever been before.

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(no subject)

Nov. 25th, 2006 | 01:07 am

i haven't been this happy in a really really long time.
i love having real friends.

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(no subject)

Sep. 19th, 2006 | 12:44 pm

i hate that my program is so mind-numbingly specific and unstimulating.
i hate that the people in my classes are so focused on the future, on GETTING THERE.
i hate the fear and sadness that haunt the halls.
i hate that i feel no connection whatsoever to my school.
i hate that to so many people i don't exist, i'm no one.
i hate that the person who seems to care about me the most right now is the person i've hurt the most.
i love my friends, but i hate that i can never find a true kindred spirit, as hard as i try.
i hate that i hurt right now.
i hate that i hate so much.

note to self:
i'm never as angsty as i sound on livejournal.

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(no subject)

Feb. 3rd, 2006 | 05:21 pm

cute romantic quote of the day...in reference to me...
"you're more bovine than anything..."

(feminists up in arms, lonely girls, feel lucky...)

i'm going to prom with austin. uck. very blond picture. i hate myself already.

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(no subject)

Feb. 3rd, 2006 | 04:26 pm

according to your sources wut bitch?

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so this is It.

Nov. 28th, 2005 | 12:44 pm

my train of thought is a little red choochoo that someone got for christmas because his father had one as a boy, though aforementioned child really wanted an X-box. (shudder). he put together the tracks to make his dad happy, but shoddily, so every so often it derails and all the toy people inside fall out. mmm perpetual confusion...(and mr. lapierre's pilot boys.)
IF however, my thoughts were a, pen-chewingly well-thought out letter, it might look something like this right now...

Dear Self,

You sometimes browse through your Livejournal friends page, but you never update. As well, recently you've stopped posting comments, and have no desire to comment. It seems that you have already resigned yourself to deleting your journal. Why not take this opportunity to rid yourself of this little ball of angst you seem to have? Not to say that you're angsty; on the contrary. Congratulations on finally finding solid footing this year. But this is exactly the reason why you should get rid of that fiery little sphere of angst that's really not your style anyway. Then delete the journal. Who says you can't erase your problems literally? What bothers you? This does:
+ feelings of hate you just can't let go of
+ niggling self-doubt about plans, thoughts, decisions
+ the squeaky sound your shoes make when you walk alone in the hallway
+ wearing shoes for that matter
+ doubting people you love for no apparent reason
+ that feeling of uselessness
+ being told i have to make "a creative piece that represents you, for december 2nd" AND being placed in one of three categories
+ thinking about time and how it gets exponentially faster
+bagging people's groceries when they've bought a 40 and 30 frozen lasagnas...and look completely miserable
+ being feverish.

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(no subject)

Jun. 24th, 2005 | 08:45 pm

so. i'm off to camp. on sunday, but right now i'm leaving for my country house.
andrew got back from pre-camp today, unshowered and happy, and i'm so jealous. i'll just cross my fingers and hope for a good summer, and if that doesn't happen, i'll just be the recluse who sits in the corner writing tear-soaked, perfumed letters.
but w00t to not showering. and katryna sex 3rd session.
it'll me much-needed.

other than that.
anyone, feel free to write to me.
i'll write back.

Madeline Doyle
YMCA Kanawana
673 monteé Ste Elmire
St-Sauveur des Monts, Quebec
J0R 1R1

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i know i said i hate girls but...to be hypocritical...

Jun. 20th, 2005 | 04:29 pm

i love being one.

i've been on a super-high since, well, i guess it would have to be friday afternoon... (when i rendered a flight of stairs completely...uh, un-usable, for lack of a better word right now)
since then, there's been lots of great eats, including beaver tail, and a ridiculously easy science exam.
all in all, i'm jumping around with pent-up excitement and happiness...
i thought things couldn't get any better.
then i got home.
and i painted my nails with my mom.
hands and feet.

the feeling is just incredible.
i'm actually going to burst with happy energy.
i wonder how long this'll last, but it's certainly affecting my writing and thinking skills.
incoherance strikes again, so i won't write what i'm thinking.

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oh brother where art thou?

Jun. 18th, 2005 | 01:12 pm

i shuffled into the bathroom early this morning, and the first thought that hit me was that i got to use BOTH towels...since andrew's at camp already.
this thought should have made me sublimely happy, but instead, it made me sort of lonely.
i really do love that brother of mine, and i can't wait to go to camp on sunday to see him! and because i love camp, and all.

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